I wanted to post about my sweet baby girl . . . and the journey God has/is taking me through this year with peace. You know. It's funny . . . bc this blog is named Achazia-Me . . . which means . . . "The LORD holds-Me." Now, isn't that the truth, lol! I have loved the name Achazia for a long while and used to joke with John that my name should have been Achazia not Holly bc I LOVE to be held . . . and to be held by Daddy?! I mean. I seriously cannot think of a more wonderful thing. I was planning on eventually using Achazia as a middle name for one of my baby girls . . . since we sort of had the "E" thing going on . . . but that was apparently not God's plan. Within a few moments after I found out that the baby girl in my belly had died I knew her name was Achazia Jean. There wasn't even much thought. It just bubbled out of me that that was to be her name. My little AJ. "The LORD holds" her and Jean means "God is gracious," which . . . He soo is! It is funny . . . bc when I think of "AJ" now, even as I type this, it reminds me of my parents. They wanted another child . . . another girl . . . but because of medical reasons (I believe) . . . my parents had to stop after three girls. I am pretty sure they wanted to name this next girl Alexandra Joy (AJ) . . . that dream never came to pass :( . . . which is kind of like my story . . . but a little different. My AJ . . . she DID come to pass. She is just living with Jesus now . . . waiting for me to step into eternity to hold her and love on her tomorrow. (In heaven . . . time works differently, a day is like 1000 years and 1000 years is like a day) . . . This has been . . . well . . . the HARDEST thing I have ever gone through. But . . . you know what?! It has been an amazing journey. My journey with Achazia started with my journey with Peace, my Word of the Year for 2011.
January 1st, 2011. . . I was spending time with God praying that He would impart peace to me during this past year. I immediately heard Him call me "Winifred Bethels". . . I thought . . . seriously?! What? That was the name I called my little sister as a child to tease her . . . (her real name is Whitney Beth). So, I looked up the names. "Winifred" means "Peaceful Friend" and "Bethel" means "House of God." So, I was in fact, hearing from God! I was so shocked, lol! I shouldn't be. I mean . . . I am one of His sheep . . . and we do hear His voice! Anyways . . . God spoke to me in that instance about how what I intended as a curse . . . and satan intended for bad . . . He, in fact, used as a blessing. I was speaking life over my sis and I didn't even know it! Of course, after this encounter, I contacted my sister and repented for my evil intentions as a child! But I also shared it with her so I could encourage her with how real and amazing God is!
Anyways, God was calling me "Peaceful Friend," and "House of God" . . . both important for later. But . . . at the time . . . I was NOT peaceful! I know God sees us through Jesus . . . but man . . . that was definitely not a way I would describe myself . . . hence . . . my Word of the Year! Through the next many months God really started to work on my peace. I can't say I was perfect in that area . . . or that I did all the things I wanted to do with my word with regards to scripture memory . . . books to read etc. But. Since God rocks . . . He did so much in my heart in spite of me! Isn't He great?! All of our effort . . . all of our good works . . . just filthy rags to Him . . . instead . . . He just lavishes His love on me . . . all the time . . . even when I don't hit the goal . . . meet the standards (cuz I never do!) . . . What really started to change in my heart was my awareness of my choice to receive and walk in His peace in different situations in life as I encountered them.
My biggest test in peace was with my pregnancy. First. It was just to get pregnant in the first place. It took me 2.5 years before everything fell into place . . . and I was getting discouraged and restless. Now, I can't say I walked this out in perfect peace . . . but God was certainly working it into me! When I finally got pregnant. Wow. I was so happy!!! Then I needed to be at peace . . . and speak peacefully . . . and interact peacefully with my kids. My hormones were going crazy and . . . as many of you know . . . when I am prego I get ridiculously sick where many days I am pretty certain I am about to meet my maker. :) During that part of my trial, mommy had a HARD time being sweet :) I am grumpy when I feel yucky. I need to grow in that area for my next pregnancy blessing! Then, the biggest test I have ever had with peace happened when I had a second ultrasound and found out my baby was with Jesus. I was not prepared at all for this to happen because everything had looked so good up until that point. And I was still super sick . . . how could I have lost the baby? Doesn't being sick mean things should be healthy with the baby?! Not so in my case. :( Well . . . I can honestly say God is still good. He never left me during this time. In fact . . . I have found a peace that I have never known before. It is crazy amazing. He has not only held Achazia during this time, but me. Through encouraging dreams, words of kindness from friends and family . . . and just through His presence . . . I have felt His love and peace overflowing in my life.
I am so thankful for my baby girl . . . I am so thankful for a Daddy that loves me and cares so well for me. This year, my Word of the Year is going to be "Be Present" with God and my kids. That is kind of the "Bethel" part of what God spoke over me a year ago. When I think of "House of God" I think of God's presence . . . and where it dwells. I want to soak in that. I know He lives in me . . . and the Body of Christ . . . so I am asking the Holy Spirit to really. . . help me find a new, deeper place with Him. I want to agree with God in nourishing my relationship with Him . . . and my kids. Now, granted . . . I still have a lot of work with peace . . . so I'm not saying I'm done there! I am going to keep pursuing peace . . . really . . . pursuing God (the Prince of Peace) . . . and asking him to insert peace into my spirit :) May you be blessed as you seek out God this year. I pray that He will give you a new hunger and passion for Him and the things that matter to His heart :)
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